In introduction I can understand who influnced you. But I think it is a bit short.So it doesn't create so much interest.There are enough details but you could say your daily life. So there could be more details can attract readers.It seems you learned some things from your mother and you tell it here too.You told the story in order so we can understand it clearly. But there are some punctuation mistakes if you check your essay again you can see and correct them.
In introduction I can understand who influnced you. But I think it is a bit short.So it doesn't create so much interest.There are enough details but you could say your daily life. So there could be more details can attract readers.It seems you learned some things from your mother and you tell it here too.You told the story in order so we can understand it clearly. But there are some punctuation mistakes if you check your essay again you can see and correct them.
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